I Think I'm Back

For weeks the desire has been growing and pulling me to create and yet I resist it. I don’t understand why I pull away from what makes me feel so good. I know that my art corner was a mess and I was afraid that if I started anything that I would destroy the rest of my bedroom. I didn’t know where to begin. This week after watching suzi blu on youtube I was pushed over the edge and decided that the mental block of trying to create in my messy tiny corner could easily be rectified.



So off I went, up and down the stairs for two days putting my ‘studio’ in the middle of the living room. We never use our dinning table so it’s perfect. It’s there in line with my desk where I spend most of my time on the computer! I took the center leaf and put it on top against the mirror behind my round table and put all my paint and brushes on it. Then I just pilled up things on the table brought down a little cupboard I have some other art supplies in and put the rest in storage tubs I’ll keep in my ‘harry potter’ closet under the stairs. It feels great! I don’t even mind the clutter of it because it is supposed to be that way, the landing strip of art and art is messy!



What a shift in my phsyce. Now if I can only get the courage to do something. I’ve drawn a little but I don’t feel right putting things in a journal I should have filled last year. I’ve bought a Moleskine Large Sketch Book to fallow suzi blu around with her free art journal class on youtube. I have tried to combine all my many journals like she talks about and it never seems to work. I have journals for everything, dreams, thoughts, wishes, art, but I tend to keep them apart. I would like to have everything in one place to chronicle my life and growth.



As you all know I am still in mourning over my brother. There have been two other deaths since him. Despite all this pain and loss I am ready to move forward with my life again. It’s like I held my breath and ceased to exist when he died. I didn’t want to live if he couldn’t. so I did nothing for myself, nothing that I loved. But now that has changed finally. I’m still crying, still mourning but I am ready to join the living and live again even though he can’t.

ps: suzi blu has lost her long time beloved cat, pooh. Something I’ve been through several times. It is hard to go through, I know it was for myself. Send her some lovin’. I’m so sorry for your loss suzi!