Friday, January 09, 2009

I Think I'm Back

For weeks the desire has been growing and pulling me to create and yet I resist it. I don’t understand why I pull away from what makes me feel so good. I know that my art corner was a mess and I was afraid that if I started anything that I would destroy the rest of my bedroom. I didn’t know where to begin. This week after watching suzi blu on youtube I was pushed over the edge and decided that the mental block of trying to create in my messy tiny corner could easily be rectified.

christmas and art studio 057

So off I went, up and down the stairs for two days putting my ‘studio’ in the middle of the living room. We never use our dinning table so it’s perfect. It’s there in line with my desk where I spend most of my time on the computer! I took the center leaf and put it on top against the mirror behind my round table and put all my paint and brushes on it. Then I just pilled up things on the table brought down a little cupboard I have some other art supplies in and put the rest in storage tubs I’ll keep in my ‘harry potter’ closet under the stairs. It feels great! I don’t even mind the clutter of it because it is supposed to be that way, the landing strip of art and art is messy!

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What a shift in my phsyce. Now if I can only get the courage to do something. I’ve drawn a little but I don’t feel right putting things in a journal I should have filled last year. I’ve bought a Moleskine Large Sketch Book to fallow suzi blu around with her free art journal class on youtube. I have tried to combine all my many journals like she talks about and it never seems to work. I have journals for everything, dreams, thoughts, wishes, art, but I tend to keep them apart. I would like to have everything in one place to chronicle my life and growth.

christmas and art studio 050

As you all know I am still in mourning over my brother. There have been two other deaths since him. Despite all this pain and loss I am ready to move forward with my life again. It’s like I held my breath and ceased to exist when he died. I didn’t want to live if he couldn’t. so I did nothing for myself, nothing that I loved. But now that has changed finally. I’m still crying, still mourning but I am ready to join the living and live again even though he can’t.

ps: suzi blu has lost her long time beloved cat, pooh. Something I’ve been through several times. It is hard to go through, I know it was for myself. Send her some lovin’. I’m so sorry for your loss suzi!

16 comments:

  1. Hi,
    This is my first time on your blog. I just want to tell you to start painting again and keep doing it. It is a great therapy for the heart, mind, and soul.
    Sorry about the loss of your brother.
    I also know Suzi Blue. I took her le petite Dolls workshop. She is great! Let me go to her blog now.
    I invite you to visit my blog, please come and participate in my Frida Kahlo necklace giveaway!
    Will come back to see your works!
    Flor

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  2. I'm anxious to see what you create! I see your little sewing machine is falling apart--spend some $ on a decent machine (you can get a basic one for $99) and you won't be sorry. These cheapy machines will do nothing but discourage you!

    I'm sorry that you've had so much loss lately. I hope you find peace and can heal yourself through your creativity. Think of your brother and make something wonderful--or maybe not so wonderful but it may help you heal.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I'll be checking in again to see what you create!!!

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  3. Ahhh, if I only had one spot for all of my art supplies, but I have the dining room table, the kitchen counter, stuff on the floor...everywhere! If I clean up then I have no idea where anything is. :] Creating is wonderful isn't it? So healing and a time to get lost in the adventure. Sorry for your loss. One of my brothers died when I was 18. I used to write poetry for him and that helped me to cope a little bit better. It's like journaling I suppose.
    Many blessings and warm hugs for you! Take care of yourself.

    Kimmie

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  4. can't tell you how cool it was to be encouraged by you today. love the new art space- good for you! and, please- just make the art. think of the deeper life you will move into. don't wait. don't wait.

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  5. Ha...I had to laugh...we artisans are really the works aren't we...I dragged my big oak farm table into my front room along with it's chairs(extra storage) and parked it next to my computer desk, where I'm at all the time anyway. I make necklaces and this room is light and homey for me. My table is cluttered with containers of beads, wire, tools, coloring patinas, boxes of stuff, pens..and everything I need, should the spark of creativity happen, I'm ready. A few posts back I posted pictures of my table...oh the horror, but according to my comments, there's a whole bunch of us nuts out there.

    I have three victorian lampshades sewn in various stages of completion, but just can't get into it...what is this...is it winter or what...I need sun for inspiraton, yeah, that's the ticket...

    You're not alone in the world and my condolences for your loss...that will take a long time to recover from. A part of me is still numb from the loss of my son in law last summer...but we move on toward the life we're given, the Universe has the answers...shhh...listen.

    Be well...sharon

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  6. give in to the desire to create. always.

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  7. You have taken a huge step, keep taking those steps. So happy that you are back. Take care of yourself. Hugs***Renea

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  8. I hope your new art space helps you get back into creating. I know how you feel. I have been in a rut since before the holidays. I've decided that tomorrow will be my first day back into the creative world.

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother and the other two deaths since.

    Hugs,
    Rischa

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  9. Your so special and a real trooper, am I am so sorry that you have lost your brother, you must miss him so much. I know if I am sad i can't create draw or paint. I sit at my table with all my art supplies (dining room table also) and cannot do anything just sit. I give up and come on here to share with you guys because your all so very wonderful.
    It really must be so difficult for you. Keep your art stuff ready. Hoping you have a breakthrough!
    All my love to you! Julie-ann

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  10. Your new art space is beautiful! I know that the muse that will help you get back into your art is visiting you. I am so sorry that you have lost your brother! I have only one brother and no sisters, so my heart aches for you in thought and I hope you can heal from this devastation! :( Big hugs and know we are out here encouraging you! Patti
    P.S. Thanks for the blog visit! <3

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  11. What a CHAMP! You're an inspiration.
    Thanks for writing. It helps us all.
    Discovered you today.
    Ronnie - in a small town in Georgia

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  12. Found you hanging out at Julie-Ann's
    HeavenLeigh art.
    Have a good time in that new space.
    Visit anytime you get a chance.

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  13. I am so sorry that you have lost your brother. It is true that you can't go with him, and so you are here and I am sure that he would want you to live.

    I have never lost a sibling, and I hope I haven't offended. I am however trying to live while I am dying with Stage 4 cancer. Things are not always easy, but I truly wanted to give you my condolences.

    Take care of yourself.

    Renee

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  14. Love your art space! Creating really does let the emotions flow. I can't wait to see all you create in 2009!

    Blessings,
    Lisa

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  15. I am glad that you are getting your olde self back. I find that organizing my work space helps me to think clearly and then I feel more inspired. You have a wonderful collection of books. Happy Crafting!

    Sandy xox

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  16. I guess the grieving process has many stages and it sounds like you are ready to move into a different space....I hope creating will help ease your mind.

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