Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I am not doing very well right now. The lose of my brother and a breakdown of my inner sense of purpose has left me unable to craft. I’ve put it all away even the crochet that was helping me for a time. Now for some reason I don’t feel like doing any of it. I can’t tell you how hopeless and worthless I feel. For this reason I will not be posting here for a while. I will be posting on my xanga and CCOR accounts only right now.

I’ll be back, I just have no idea when.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Autumn Pear

I did it, I made something! I’ve been so afraid to start but I decided I would sew something yesterday and I did. I had to force myself but I got through. The perfectionist in me is so afraid of messing up, of wasting material on ‘mess ups’ that I end up paralyzed. I’m proud that I got past that. Now I can’t wait to create more. But there is one problem. I broke the sewing machine. The needle fell out and I can’t get it back up as high as it should be. That is what you get for $20!! I’m hoping I can buy a machine next month!

I’ll be sewing bags, pot holders, stuffed stuff and what ever else I find in the books I get at the library and online. I am hoping to get good enough to sell on etsy. I hope you all will check me out over there when I’m ready. I hope to have goodies listed in February.

Oh, and I finished my first scarf I’ll have to show you later.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sewing, Knitting, & Crochet

I went from knitting to crochet to sewing. I just can’t seem to stay on one thing but dabble in everything. I suppose that is normal for the creative type. Is it? I’m sorry I haven’t been posting but I’ve been having a hard time wanting to do things after my lose. I am doing much better now though. Not reading yet but I’m creating! I’m almost finished with a scarf I’m crocheting.

Feeling inspired I pulled out my sewing machine to find that I didn’t have a plug or pedal. I forgot that they were missing when it was given to me. I was digging around going through all the fabric that no longer and some that never inspired me and bagged them up for my sister-in-law’s garage sale. At the very back of the armoire I found a tiny sewing machine smaller than a coffee machine. It only sews a straight stitch but it’s better than nothing! I had forgotten that I had bought it a few years ago never using it till now. I know, shame on me. I suppose it was too depressing after having such a good machine to down grade to a toy.

I have this obsession to sew now. I hope to make some really cute things for me and for my etsy shop! I hope to have some inventory by February. I plan on making things like pin cushions, scarves, bags, stuffed animals, etc, and what ever little sewing projects I can do. We shall see what I feel comfortable with, what I can really do well. So yes, I will be knitting and crocheting scarves and maybe other things too.

Cross your fingers that I win magiquilter’s fabric giveaway! Stop by her cute place and tell her I sent you! I need some inspiring beautiful fabric to get me started! If anyone had scraps they would like to get rid of let me know! I need them. I’ve been going to craigs list and freecycle trying to find some and have had no luck. I did find a few things at the thrift store but I need to get a clearer vision of the kind of things I want to make. I know I want to do small projects, small in size because I have little space. I couldn’t make a quilt or anything. But make-up bags, wallets, needle holders, tissue holders, pot holders. A lot of holders! Lol

Anyways, I’ve talked too long. Hope you all are doing well and wish me luck on everything!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Great Loss

I was writing a book. Words flew and flowed, ideas, characters, and plots. But then my world came to an end and I suffered a GREAT loss. For a long time I felt like I would mourn forever. That I would never stop crying or hurting, it hurt worse than anything I’ve known. When I got the news that he was in a comma my world came to an end, I knew that he wasn’t going to make it and unfortunately I was right. A week later my brother was taken off life support and his body died along with the brain that had died a week before.

I can only talk to my family and my mother about this. Everyone else say the wrong things. I can’t stand to hear them talk about it, to try to console me. When someone dies everyone should shut the fk up! I need the sympathy and support but in as few of words as possible. Just hug me. Tell me you love me. Say, ‘I’m so sorry.’ then shut up. This sounds so awful but that is how I feel. Each word wounds if it’s the wrong one or from the wrong person. I am so fragile that your breath could collapse me.

Art. I would have thought this a great time to write my pain out or paint. I’ve thought of it but haven’t wanted to. I don’t want to be in life when he is gone. I haven’t been able to think for the last few weeks. Even the simplest things that I never get wrong I couldn’t do. I think all the time, my mind never shuts up but since the first call I would sit for long moments with nothing in my head, just silence. I couldn’t think if I wanted to.

I started reading. I do it slowly and not every day. The book is about a mother who loses her little girl and per her mother’s advice she takes up knitting and joins a knitting circle. The repetitious movements of knitting some how get her out of her sorrow and gives her a break from pain. This book, The Knitting Circle, has inspired me to knit again. It does help, the repetition is soothing like rocking back and forth. I can’t write, I can’t paint, not today but for now I will knit. That will be my art.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Soul Food

I’m not much of an artist to tell the truth, as I’ve been told. But I don’t say this because I’m not good at painting but because it isn’t an abiding passion. It is a passion but one that flees from me while another comes in. But am I still an artist when one artful passion is temporarily replaced by another?

What is art? I think one way it can be described is creative ways we express ourselves outside of logical linear thinking. When I was young it was truly an art to apply my make up. I took time to consider tones and hues, how to make the contours I desired, how to make me more beautiful. It was art when I would make beautiful resumes for my job applications. The effort I put into its form style, font, balance, and spacing. Also the words, how I described myself, what I had done. When I described my years as a house wife with a baby I called myself a ‘domestic engineer’ and used big important words like negotiator, manager, accountant, etc. One woman thought I was employed (as if it were a real job outside of home) another waved it in her husbands face reminding him of all the things she really does. That was creative, thinking outside of my box.

Now what makes me an artist? A creative person? My current medium is the pen. Or more truly my keyboard! I am writing. May not sound impressive. I don’t seem to write very well here. But that isn’t the point. Weather I am a genius or suck doesn’t matter. The important thing is that I feed my soul. The soul’s food is art! This is art, writing. Mine may be bad art and that is ok. But unlike some people out there I am happy, content, Sometimes even blissful when I am doing and being art! I write because I love it, because it feeds my soul. NOT to please the ‘critics‘. NOT to receive the ‘critics’ approval. But only to feed my soul and that is ‘following your bliss’ my friends as Joseph Campbell was fond of saying!

What is your soul food? What feeds your soul, makes you happy, content, blissful? Do it and stop for NO ONE! No mater what they say. What do they know? We all know that ‘critics’ don’t know anything!
Now dig in!!

Friday, July 04, 2008

Art is . . .

1. the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.
2. the class of objects subject to aesthetic criteria; works of art collectively, as paintings, sculptures, or drawings: a museum of art; an art collection.
3. a field, genre, or category of art: Dance is an art.
4. the fine arts collectively, often excluding architecture: art and architecture.
5. any field using the skills or techniques of art: advertising art; industrial art.
6. (in printed matter) illustrative or decorative material: Is there any art with the copy for this story?
7. the principles or methods governing any craft or branch of learning: the art of baking; the art of selling.
8. the craft or trade using these principles or methods.
9. skill in conducting any human activity: a master at the art of conversation.
10. a branch of learning or university study, esp. one of the fine arts or the humanities, as music, philosophy, or literature.
11. arts,
a. (used with a singular verb) the humanities: a college of arts and sciences.
b. (used with a plural verb) liberal arts.
12. skilled workmanship, execution, or agency, as distinguished from nature.
13. trickery; cunning: glib and devious art.
14. studied action; artificiality in behavior.
15. an artifice or artful device: the innumerable arts and wiles of politics.
16. Archaic. science, learning, or scholarship.
[Origin: 1175–1225; ME < OF, acc. of ars < L ars (nom.), artem (acc.)]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Double Birthdays!!

Ten years and one day ago I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. the next day was my birthday! Needless to say I got nothing for that birthday save my son. That was fine with me :) he was present enough. So all that means is that today is my birthday and yesterday was my son’s!

Please everyone wish my son a happy birthday, it’s been a rough one this year! Wednesday he started complaining of a soar throat that night at midnight he sat at the foot of my bed throwing up. all night he was up and down with fever and so on. When morning came his temperature climbed to 103.7 and I couldn’t get it down despite the Motrin and Tylenol and the cold bath, all of which usually works. So I rushed him to emergency. By the time they got to him his fever was almost gone. We got the best room in the e.r. and he was treated to a pop after given some medicine to keep him from getting sick. Well after his shot for the strep throat it was clear the medicine didn’t work. After 2pm we finally headed home.

The next day was going to be his birthday. He was so upset to find out that he wasn’t going to get to celebrate! But he came to terms and was thrilled to get many calls from family wishing him a happy birthday and getting to open his present from me, a kick bleep water gun!

So we have been spending our birthdays in isolation with plain bread, ice pops, and cartoons. It hasn’t been that bad though. I’ve really have enjoyed the quite time alone with my son. :)

Btw, he is doing really well. Since he came home he has kept everything down and has felt relatively ok. Nothing like the strep throat I had as a child of utter misery.

Hope you all will have a healthy, happy week!


Saturday, April 26, 2008

New Girl!

Good Day everyone! I just wanted to thank you all again for coming by and especially for your kind and supportive comments. You all have stirred up warms fuzzies inside my heart! I feel more hopeful, like I can do it. That I can be an artist that creates art that others would like enough to buy! That’s big for me, so THANK YOU!! Warm hugs for you all!

This is my new girl above, like her? I just don’t know what I was thinking but this is what came out. I think of her as being spiritual thus the halo. I had one heck of a time with her face. I couldn’t use my colored pencils for some reason (I’m learning here!) and so I pulled out the charcoal, no go, then the marker but that was too harsh so here came the charcoal again. Finally I got her to where I liked her. I will have her up on my Etsy shop soon! Think I should??

Soon I will be getting a cd on how to blend faces from Suzi Blu. I can’t wait till it comes out. In the mean time I’ll be relying on a new book on acrylics I ordered the other day, I’ll get it tomorrow, yeah!

This is just a background right now. I don’t know what I want to do with it yet. But I love it where it is now finally. I struggled with this as I experimented with different techniques with water bottles, paper towels, and plastic wrap in hand. I finally pulled my brayer out and it solved the problem and made it complete. I couldn’t even tell you how many layers I put on there!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Read All About It!

I have been featured in Divine Comforts website! It’s a short article where I’ve been interviewed. I’ve mentioned this before. Well, now the article is out! Go take a look and learn a little more about me :)

I also wanted to thank all of you for your incredible support and faith in me. I don’t feel deserving but am so appreciative! You all have blown me away! Thank you!


ps: don't forget to visit my Etsy shop he was talking about!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Midnight Creations ~ this is what i do when i can't sleep!

I tried my hand again with the now “primitive flower II”. The first one for Illustration Friday had a blemish on the top left. I just made it on a whim, experimenting with the walnut ink I had just got using a journal page that wasn’t fully prepped. But I loved it so much I had to show it even though it was imperfect. I don’t like this as well, spontaneity has it’s virtues! Forcing, planning too much doesn’t seem to work for me.

Now here is a spontaneous piece, I sat thinking of trying another “primitive” but it turned into a fig, yes, that is supposed to be a fig! lol It is one of my favorite fruits! My grandmother had two fig trees when I was growing up. we would climb into it’s low twisted branches and just stuff ourselves with delicious figs! I call the painting “childhood sweetness” because that’s what it was, sweet tasting and a sweet a memory!

I have new art journal pages on my flikr if you want to take a look I would love for you too. And don’t forget to stop by my store at Esty!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Inspire Me Thursday ~ Scrap Yard

I’ve wanted to make something out of all the scraps I have left over from other projects. Now I got the chance! This is my version of recycling my art scraps as well as showing a recycled home and world. Even the sun has been recycled!

Scrap Yard

I used paper, charcoal, acrylic, water color in this piece. I feel like I used more but no.

Because of the sun I couldn’t get the color right. There is more shading over the lawn than you can see here. I need a shaded spot out back. I’ll have to create one as there are no trees. I’m working on taking better pictures, give me some time to get it together. I’m trying :D Oh, and if you have some good advice I would love the help!

ps: take a look at my inspiration friday pic below!

Illistration Friday ~ Primitive Flower

I spayed my prepped journal pages with the walnut ink I recently bought to see what would happen. Then later that day I came back to it and drew this, what I am calling ‘Primitive Flower’. When flowers where beginning to spring up they where very simple, hardly looking like a flower at all.

I used walnut ink, gel pen, permanent marker, water color, charcoal, and acrylic to make this very simple painting. I can hardly believe I used so many things! I hope you like it :)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Help! I've Been Tagged!

Yeah! I’ve been tagged by Alyssa Elza for this ‘6 weird quirks/habits’ game. Thank you Alyssa for tagging me :D sorry it took so long to post this since I just found out about it today! Here are my strange facts!

1. I can’t function properly without my cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer every morning, even if I don’t wake till noon!
2. I can’t stand to ware shoes in my home so I take them off at the door. I just think about all the nasties I could have possibly picked up.
3. I nearly always feel like I have a fever.
4. I fight sleep most every night and end up working on some art to relax or read a book.
5. I can’t take a bath without sliding under and getting my hair wet no matter how clean I already am.
6. almost every time I sit, I sit on my left leg like my mother.

Hope I made you giggle ;)

I am tagging: Suzi Blu, Paulette Insall, Danita, Darlene, moonwillow, and Letha.

And here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Creative Cruse

Yesterday I spent a wonderful day painting with my son again. I think he is the key to my inspiration now that I think about it. I’ve finish most of my pieces when working along side him! I had a piece I had been working on for a couple of days I manage to finish with him.

Then a new experiment for me, a collage, a simple one but a collage just the same. They are both up on etsy now!

I was interviewed for a feature on Melissa's website. You can find her on etsy as divinecomforts. I am so excited. I feel like a real artist all the more. Should I not say that out loud? It was fun, I can’t wait to see his blog.

In excitement I rushed out today to have note cards made and grabbed a few art supplies. I was so lucky to find things I wanted, no needed for a third of the price I would pay online after you add the shipping! I went to a different craft store today. I can see I will have to meet my needs between the two.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

My Shop is Open!

Suzi Blu, what am I going to do with you?? Well, she light a fire under my @&# this morning! Inspired and scolded a bit I changed my day. Instead of staying home I ran out to kinko’s and had note cards made of a couple of my art journal pages. They turned out so beautiful! I am so excited!!

I went to three other stores to get things I needed for the cards and another project I’m working on! This one will be a surprise ;) I was inspired by Linda Woods & Karen Dinino’s book “Visual Chronicles”. They are the ones who gave me my great idea!

Please stop by my esty shop and take a gander at what I made. I would love to hear from y’all!

wow, just like that. In one day, my life changed. I’m an artist today, yesterday I was just playing with paint!


Thursday, April 03, 2008

Creation Frenzy

I’ve been creating like a mad woman today. Participating in two art thingies. First I made four letters for Milliande's “A-Z Art Journal Lettering Collaboration”! this morning. I was frenzied with creativity. Whoo hoo! Then I tried to do a digital collage for Inspire Me Thursday but nothing seemed to work. So I got out the painting that I was angry at. The one that made me stop creating all together! And I covered it with gesso! Now I have a painting I’m proud of! I know it could be a lot better, I have a lot to learn but it’s the best I can do at this point. It is the best I’ve done so far! It’s more like a journal page than a real painting but what the h*!!, art is suppose to be freeing and fun and that’s what I had! I’m even thinking of scanning it and putting it on etsy. Wonder if anyone would like it. maybe not but I’m at least getting better. Yep,this is better ;)

My son didn’t have base ball practice today so we were headed for an empty afternoon where I would be sure to hear, “m o m, I’m b o r e d!” all afternoon. So I had made my mind up that I would have him paint with me. he pulls up a chair to my antique school desk and we create. Never did he say he was bored!

He informed me that his painting was good enough to sell! :) any takers?? He knows I’m going to try to make a little through etsy, that’s my goal. So he decided he would pitch in and help bring in money for the family! Ain’t that sweet?

Inspire Me Thursday ~ Peace

This is my first entry for Inspire Me Thursday! And it is the first painting that I’ve done I really like. I like it so much I’m thinking of having it scanned and putting it up on etsy! You never know, anything could happen! :D

I had so much fun as I painted this with my son by my side till I finished. I had only gesso white staring at me when we went up stairs to paint. It’s the one time he is not bored.

I feel that a big part of having peace is knowing how to listen that’s why I have that woman listening.

I used acrylic paints, sharpie, stamps, stencil, page from a book, magazine cut outs, and ink, oh and some gel litter stuff got smudged on it leaving a little glitter.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I've Got My Mojo Back!

I don’t know what happened or how it happened but it happened! I got my mojo back! The ever inspiring art guru, Suziblu on youtube had us paint a flower in her art journal class. A flower, I can paint a flower. So I did. I filmed it the weekend before last and posted my humble piece youtube. It put me back into the game. I don’t know how but I was set free!

I also had received the most inspiring painting by Paulette Insall, ‘follow’ and all the goodies she sent with it have been an inspiration. I wish I could paint like her. Her backgrounds are amazing. She has classes for backgrounds, I hope to take it this fall.

Because of a mini flood in my living room where I have my computer I had to pull everything out of the desk amour and the book shelves and corners and so on. I ended up with a lot of junk that I just through out. I was left with a beautiful creative soulful place. Insall’s painting found a new home on top of my amour where it will be seen and safe from 9 year olds. I sit back and just stare at it. It makes me want to be a painter.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


I thought that love would inspire my art but it has paralyzed it with the need of perfection, the fear of error. I started a painting with my new love in mind and I screwed it up. it paralyzed me, I couldn’t get past it. I got angry with it and refused to create. Strange isn’t it? I got caught up with dating and then getting sick with one thing after another so I ended up with out the strength to create anything so I gave up, didn’t even bother to draw. Am I the only one who ever feels this way? maybe I’m not an artist.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I’ve done it! I did it! I’ve painted! I’ve painted an actual painting that wasn’t in my journal but on what is to me, expensive Montval Acrylic 185lb cold press paper! Ain’t it purdy! I know I have a LONG way to go and a GREAT deal to learn but it’s a start! I’m jumping in and taking risks. It felt good. Of course it all went wrong, especially with her skin but I learned a lot about what not to do! :D next time I should do much better, I hope :) I am hoping that one of my mentors will do a vid on how to shade because I really got hung up on that when it came to her face. I’m glad it’s over, it’s done!

Now I’m playing with the idea of putting it up for sale just to see what happens. Now stop laughing so bloody hard! I have to start somewhere. I thought it would be a good way to learn the process of selling before it becomes serious. I even called around to see how I could make prints of my paintings and find someone who could scan them. I settled on kinko’s. if I can buy myself a flash drive I can get the download for free and only pay the 99 cents to scan it instead of the $9.99 – 5.99 to burn it to cd. I caught hold of a printer, a man that runs a printing press. Well he was full of great advice that I plan to take. So when I called kinko’s back I knew better what I wanted and what I needed to ask. I feel better knowing my choices and how to take them :)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Passions Wane

I’ve slowed down now that I have my girls face the way I want. I need to get the body right though. I was burning up with passion for art now I’ve slowed down. I guess one can only handle so much. I think I’ve just gotten bored with drawing and need to be challenged further. I need to go ahead and take that expensive artist paper and make a painting even if it sucks. I’ve stopped following my passion because I’m afraid of messing up. that’s it, that’s the problem. :)

for more pics of my 'studio' go to my flickr!