I Think I'm Back

For weeks the desire has been growing and pulling me to create and yet I resist it. I don’t understand why I pull away from what makes me feel so good. I know that my art corner was a mess and I was afraid that if I started anything that I would destroy the rest of my bedroom. I didn’t know where to begin. This week after watching suzi blu on youtube I was pushed over the edge and decided that the mental block of trying to create in my messy tiny corner could easily be rectified.



So off I went, up and down the stairs for two days putting my ‘studio’ in the middle of the living room. We never use our dinning table so it’s perfect. It’s there in line with my desk where I spend most of my time on the computer! I took the center leaf and put it on top against the mirror behind my round table and put all my paint and brushes on it. Then I just pilled up things on the table brought down a little cupboard I have some other art supplies in and put the rest in storage tubs I’ll keep in my ‘harry potter’ closet under the stairs. It feels great! I don’t even mind the clutter of it because it is supposed to be that way, the landing strip of art and art is messy!



What a shift in my phsyce. Now if I can only get the courage to do something. I’ve drawn a little but I don’t feel right putting things in a journal I should have filled last year. I’ve bought a Moleskine Large Sketch Book to fallow suzi blu around with her free art journal class on youtube. I have tried to combine all my many journals like she talks about and it never seems to work. I have journals for everything, dreams, thoughts, wishes, art, but I tend to keep them apart. I would like to have everything in one place to chronicle my life and growth.



As you all know I am still in mourning over my brother. There have been two other deaths since him. Despite all this pain and loss I am ready to move forward with my life again. It’s like I held my breath and ceased to exist when he died. I didn’t want to live if he couldn’t. so I did nothing for myself, nothing that I loved. But now that has changed finally. I’m still crying, still mourning but I am ready to join the living and live again even though he can’t.

ps: suzi blu has lost her long time beloved cat, pooh. Something I’ve been through several times. It is hard to go through, I know it was for myself. Send her some lovin’. I’m so sorry for your loss suzi!

hiatus

I am not doing very well right now. The lose of my brother and a breakdown of my inner sense of purpose has left me unable to craft. I’ve put it all away even the crochet that was helping me for a time. Now for some reason I don’t feel like doing any of it. I can’t tell you how hopeless and worthless I feel. For this reason I will not be posting here for a while. I will be posting on my xanga and CCOR accounts only right now.


I’ll be back, I just have no idea when.

Autumn Pear

I did it, I made something! I’ve been so afraid to start but I decided I would sew something yesterday and I did. I had to force myself but I got through. The perfectionist in me is so afraid of messing up, of wasting material on ‘mess ups’ that I end up paralyzed. I’m proud that I got past that. Now I can’t wait to create more. But there is one problem. I broke the sewing machine. The needle fell out and I can’t get it back up as high as it should be. That is what you get for $20!! I’m hoping I can buy a machine next month!



I’ll be sewing bags, pot holders, stuffed stuff and what ever else I find in the books I get at the library and online. I am hoping to get good enough to sell on etsy. I hope you all will check me out over there when I’m ready. I hope to have goodies listed in February.

Oh, and I finished my first scarf I’ll have to show you later.

dinah

Sewing, Knitting, & Crochet

I went from knitting to crochet to sewing. I just can’t seem to stay on one thing but dabble in everything. I suppose that is normal for the creative type. Is it? I’m sorry I haven’t been posting but I’ve been having a hard time wanting to do things after my lose. I am doing much better now though. Not reading yet but I’m creating! I’m almost finished with a scarf I’m crocheting.

Feeling inspired I pulled out my sewing machine to find that I didn’t have a plug or pedal. I forgot that they were missing when it was given to me. I was digging around going through all the fabric that no longer and some that never inspired me and bagged them up for my sister-in-law’s garage sale. At the very back of the armoire I found a tiny sewing machine smaller than a coffee machine. It only sews a straight stitch but it’s better than nothing! I had forgotten that I had bought it a few years ago never using it till now. I know, shame on me. I suppose it was too depressing after having such a good machine to down grade to a toy.


I have this obsession to sew now. I hope to make some really cute things for me and for my etsy shop! I hope to have some inventory by February. I plan on making things like pin cushions, scarves, bags, stuffed animals, etc, and what ever little sewing projects I can do. We shall see what I feel comfortable with, what I can really do well. So yes, I will be knitting and crocheting scarves and maybe other things too.


Cross your fingers that I win magiquilter’s fabric giveaway! Stop by her cute place and tell her I sent you! I need some inspiring beautiful fabric to get me started! If anyone had scraps they would like to get rid of let me know! I need them. I’ve been going to craigs list and freecycle trying to find some and have had no luck. I did find a few things at the thrift store but I need to get a clearer vision of the kind of things I want to make. I know I want to do small projects, small in size because I have little space. I couldn’t make a quilt or anything. But make-up bags, wallets, needle holders, tissue holders, pot holders. A lot of holders! Lol

Anyways, I’ve talked too long. Hope you all are doing well and wish me luck on everything!